If I were a man I'd eat everything

By Tonaya Marr / Estevan Mercury
February 10, 2012 01:00 AM

I heard a question on the radio last week: if you woke up as a member of the other gender, what would you do? Hearing this, I thought of the old Lindsay Lohan movie, Freaky Friday, in which mother and daughter switch bodies and are forced to live out each other's lives. Both parties were extremely shocked and upset by the switch, though they slowly seemed to get over the change and find ways to deal as a new person.

If I woke up as a guy, I don't think the surprise would ever wear off. I'd be shocked 24/7, or at least until things reverted back to normal. I've been thinking about the first things I would do, assuming I had a couple of hours as a male.

First, I'd get dressed up super nice. Because, let's be real people, girls often know what looks better on guys than guys do. And by that I mean that your saggy jeans and skate shoes probably aren't doing it for the female population. So if I was a guy, I'd make sure I had a decent wardrobe to work with. I'd also get a good haircut. Maybe a nice hat. Seriously, there are so many options.

Second, I'd go out and try to make women super uncomfortable. As in, I'd be that guy smiling at you no matter where you look in the mall, or who just happens to follow you all the way around town. Just for fun. This would be even weirder if it were a girl.

I'd also try to cry my way out of a speeding ticket. I know lots of girls that this has worked for. Achieving this as a male would be a spectacular accomplishment, and a check mark for equality between the sexes.

I've posed this question to a handful of people, as well. One replied that he didn't know, and I've taken that to mean that his answer probably isn't PG-13. Another male friend told me that he'd absolutely panic, and that would be that.

The best answer I've received is from a friend of mine who said that, given the chance to be a guy for a period of time, she would eat everything in sight, because guys seem to be able to eat a whole heck of a lot more than women, and the calories from that food don't seem to build up around their butts and thighs. It would be like a perfect food vacation, wherein all those forbidden french fries and chocolate brownies are fully at your mercy, at least until you turn back into a girl.

I'm actually curious about what guys would do. It isn't that much fun to have to wear skirts and heels to work, as I've pointed out. Long hair gets caught in all kinds of things, and costs a fair bit of money to keep cut and coloured. Having to stand on a chair so you can reach the pickle jar at the back of the cupboard is both depressing and dangerous.

I don't think there are many men out there who could handle it.

If you agree or disagree with Tonaya, or maybe just have an opinion that you'd like to share with her, e-mail her at tonaya.marr@gmail.com or tweet her @TonayaMarr. She promises to be nice and not virtually laugh in your face if your answer is offensive or dumb.

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