The stated purpose of the Community Mediation Calgary Society is to be “A place to learn how to settle disputes,” and they have a lot of work to do.
The society receives more than 400 calls per year from neighbours who cannot get along with one another. At the top of their website is a phrase that every group I have ever been involved with needs to hear.
It says, “Being right may not be a solution.”
Somehow, we have become convinced that being right is the most important thing. However, the process of trying to prove that I am right and you are wrong only creates separate camps that suddenly feel the need to defend their position and tear down the other group.
Sometimes, the issue is not even the real problem. I once met a man who did conflict resolution in churches. He stated that in his 30 years of experience he had never seen one purely doctrinal dispute.
In other words, churches would argue about their beliefs, but the real issue was not Biblical, it was personal. He stated that most group disagreements have less to do with right and wrong and more to do with people who had not learned to love one another.
When Paul wrote to the Roman church, he reminded them that their conduct was to be guided by two principles: “Love your neighbour as yourself” (Romans 13:9), and “Love does no harm to its neighbour” (verse 10).
Often there is not just one right answer. I may like some answers more than others, but none are right in and of themselves. Therefore, I must remember that people and relationships are much more important than getting my own way.
Romans 14 and 15 teach that the more mature you are, the more you give in to others. The strong acquiesce to the weak. Being right does not give you a stick to beat others with, rather it gives you a responsibility to treat others well.
As Leo Buscaglia says, “Only the weak are cruel. Gentleness can only be expected from the strong”.
Of course, there are some issues that are worth fighting for and upon which there can be no compromise. However, that list is usually a lot shorter than we assume.
You can make a point, or you can make a difference.
People who seek solutions create change.
