I received three phone calls recently, and they were all bearing interesting news.
A nice lady informed me I had won a cruise on a real fancy ocean liner. All I had to do was submit a bunch of information so they could get me on board.
I informed her I wanted to cruise the mighty Souris River from Oxbow to Winnipeg via Kenmare, and I had my passport and was ready to sail.
She wasn’t interested in sending me to Oxbow and Kenmare. She wanted to send me to Greece where they have some islands.
I informed her I knew all the nice Greeks, and they lived in Estevan, so she didn’t need to go to all the expense to have me go there. Besides, I heard Greece was bankrupt, so I expected that would include their islands.
My second choice was a cruise of the mighty Wascana Lake, from that restaurant over to the Legislature.
She hung up. I hope she phones back. I bought some new water wings.
My next phone call was from a guy who informed me he could repair my computer from right where he sat. All I had to do was give him the same type of information that the nice cruise lady wanted.
I wanted to know if he could fix my desktop computer? He said yes.
I told him I didn’t have a desktop, but could he fix my laptop? He said yes.
I told him my laptop was working the last time I checked in October, and since I hadn’t recharged or plugged it in for three months, I was quite happy having it stay dormant.
He hung up, but before he did, I asked him to phone back soon because I might need help fixing my front fence using his online skills.
The next call came from a lawyer, or he said he was, so why would I question him?
The lawyer said he was representing Nigerian royalty and that a prince’s executor of the estate wanted to be in touch with me.
“You mean Tudi died?”
“Tudi?” he asked back.
“Ya Tudi, he’s the only Nigerian guy I know. His family wants to give me money?”
“Well, yes.”
“Great, they can come visit.”
“You don’t understand, I need some additional information.”
“Well, so do I,” I responded.
“How come it’s always some rich Nigerian who is dead? How come my Middle Eastern friends don’t die and leave me money? How come no Zimbabwe or Swiss count or countess dies? Come to think of it. I believe there should be some Norwegian prince dying soon. The odds are better over there. I know a lot more Norwegians than I do Nigerians and all Norwegians are rich. I read that the other day. They socked their oil money away for the past 20 years. I wouldn’t mind being left a little bit of their spare change. But, no, it’s always Nigeria. No Saudi Arabian emir or sultan ever wants to leave me money. But, hey, give my sympathy to Tudi’s family. I’ll send a card out tomorrow. Gee, that is tough, Tudi was one of best Nigerian prince’s I ever knew. How did he do with that strip mall he built in the Caymans?”
He hung up.
Oh well, if it was Tudi’s time to go, I guess there’s not much I can do. I’m sure the cheque is in the mail.
