MPs Martin and Baird discuss Canada's strategy for a zombie apocalypse


One of the greatest moments in the history of Canadian political theatre happened the day before Valentine's Day.

The exchange between the inquisitive opposition and the proud governing party was all about bridging the gap between our political poles. Last week members of the Conservative Party and the New Democratic Party came together to find common ground in their shared love of zombies.

"Canada will never become a safe haven for zombies. Ever!" declared Foreign Affairs Minister John Baird. I'm surprised the opposition hasn't turned that sound bite into an attack ad yet.

Why do we all love zombies? Even the people running our country, when they're supposed to be working, openly discuss the impending threat of a zombie apocalypse while cameras roll.

The short answer is that zombies are great. They are in stories that force people to fight for survival and conquer a being more mindless than any animal.

Zombies are a version of us without our humanity, a little like politicians. In the early days of the zombie, they were a metaphor for consumerism because that's just what they do. They consume, mindlessly, in a pack of groaning, wandering beings, following their desire to consume more right to the next meal.

Apple has a legion of zombies, as does Microsoft. We might call them fan boys, but they're really zombies. What are our governments doing to protect us from them?

Baird's quote may require some context. He didn't just wake up after dozing off in the House and blurt out what may have been the greatest thing a Canadian politician has said since Trudeau told everyone, "Just watch me," before invading Montreal. Baird said it in response to a question posed by fellow MP Pat Martin, NDP member for Winnipeg Centre, who had heard about the Centre for Disease Control in Atlanta putting in place emergency measures to deal with the potential threat of zombies.

"(Are you) working with your American counterparts to develop an international zombie strategy so that a zombie invasion does not turn into a zombie apocalypse?" he asked Baird, because zombies in America wouldn't have any moral dilemma trying to immigrate to Canada without bothering to get the proper identification.

Most members of the House were at this point doubling over in giggles. Maybe it was just a distraction from the latest issue of The Walking Dead they were flipping through on their tablets instead of paying attention to the proceedings. Maybe they were laughing because they thought, "We are on the taxpayers' clock and talking about zombie apocalypses. Best job ever!"

I am sure a lot of people will not be happy about MPs wisecracking about the prospects of a zombie apocalypse while they could be using that time and their hot air to sling insults at one another across the room. Not me. I like this discussion.

I honestly never thought of John Baird as a human before. I always thought he was a machine built by the Conservatives, designed to pump fear into us like a T-1000.

While I may not agree with Baird on a lot of things, he would probably be a great guy to have a beer with and watch some zombie movies.

It may have taken a brief discussion in the House of Commons about the zombie apocalypse, but I've finally found something I've been looking for in our politicians, a little bit of humanity.

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