Skip to content

Holt: “This is healing to me”

Todd Holt says his life is filled with love, belief and hope.
Todd Holt
Alameda’s Todd Holt spoke during a fundraiser for the Broken Arrow Ranch on April 9.

Todd Holt says his life is filled with love, belief and hope.

Holt, who was raised in the Alameda area and played some of his minor hockey in Estevan, was the guest speaker at the Broken Arrow Charity Breakfast on April 9 at the Estevan Leisure Centre. The breakfast was a fundraiser for the Broken Arrow Ranch, a Christian ministry in the Wood Mountain area that is directed by former Estevan resident Todd Moroz and his wife, Lara.

Holt told the crowd he grew up in a typical Saskatchewan family. His father, Brian, was a grain buyer and his mother, Vicki, was a stay-at-home mother. He and his siblings went to church on Sundays with their mother and they were very active in sports.

“I had a baseball glove, a bike and a hockey stick, and that’s basically what I needed growing up,” said Holt.

People noticed he had a talent for hockey. He played several seasons with the Western Hockey League’s Swift Current Broncos.

“The day I went to camp (in Swift Current), I remember … I was looking in the rear-view mirror at my mom,” said Holt. “I think that day I left my mom, I don’t know if I ever came home.”

Broncos head coach and general manager Graham James altered Holt’s life forever. James sexually abused Holt and other players during his tenure with the team.

“My five years in Swift Current … were a tumultuous time for myself,” said Holt. “I was stuck in a position where I either had to quit fighting for my dream (of playing hockey), or stay in this environment I was stuck playing in.

“When you’re stuck in a position of sexual abuse, and you’re getting abused by someone in a higher authority, you don’t know where to turn or where to go.”

At that time, in the mid-1990s, sexual abuse was often swept under the rug. People were told that if they came forward, they would cause more turmoil.

But he was a star player in Swift Current. He is still the Broncos all-time leader in points, and was selected by the San Jose Sharks in the eighth round of the 1993 NHL Entry Draft. He found the hockey arena to be his only safe place.

“He couldn’t get me on the ice. He couldn’t play that mind game,” said Holt. “I was just out there with me and the fans. That’s what inspired me at the time, and made me realize later that it was my safe place.”

In 1996, former Swift Current Broncos and NHL player Sheldon Kennedy became the first person abused by James to come forward publicly. Holt said Kennedy “got the ball rolling.”

“I was playing hockey in Birmingham, Alabama, and my agent called me and said, ‘Sheldon Kennedy is coming out. Is there something I should know, Todd?’

“I always thought to myself now that Sheldon said something, I can take this secret to my grave, not knowing all the destruction and everything I was doing at the time, and all of the hurt and pain I was causing in people’s lives.”

Holt admits the secret almost took him to the grave.

The abuse by James warped Holt’s attitude towards love and life, and had a detrimental impact on his family. But the abuse doesn’t rule his life any longer.

He admitted publicly in 2012 that he was one of James victims. He has spoken about 500 times since then with his message of healing and hope, and rediscovering his love for himself.

A few years ago, he moved to Calgary, which helped with the healing process. It was tough at first, because his marriage was over and he was living away from his sons.

“People started seeing the change in myself, and those … things started coming back,” said Holt. “My boys came back in my life. I brought that little boy back to my mom. The little brother I was, I came home. It was the greatest feeling ever.”

He now has amazing people and supports in his life, and he’s excited to speak about the need to protect children.

“When you hear other people say you’ve affected their lives, it feels good,” said Holt. “This is healing to me. This is what I have to do in my life to make my life better. I have to speak.”

Moroz, who is the director for the Broken Arrow Ranch, said he spent a couple of hours speaking with Holt recently in Calgary, and he could have spent a couple of weeks with him. He is proud that Holt has chosen to be better, and not bitter, in his life.